I have often considered the value of my life and what I would be willing to lay it down for, a family member or friend for example. I have endured the death of someone close to me and wondered at how different the world could have been with just a few more years. I have considered giving up the struggle of life and just being at peace. I have always wondered at those who fear death, those who fear the end so much they will ruin their lives just for another year or two. I have often wondered if more could be done by giving one's life instead of living it out. I would not hesitate to give up my life for the chance another could be saved. I do not fear death, I fear living a life without meaning or purpose.
On the 30th of May, 2015, I came face-to-face with death. While driving home, from a normal evening with some friends, I was forced off the road by a bakkie (pick-up truck). My car rolled through the bushes and barricades and stopped in the oncoming traffic on the other side of the national high-way. It was something I never saw coming and never anticipated. When I realised what was happening, and about to happen, I let go of the wheel, closed my eyes, and called out for The Lord to watch out for me. Once I had lost control of the car I knew where things were heading, I knew I would not survive rolling into oncoming traffic. In all honesty I expected to wake up in another realm entirely. Yet the car came to a stop and I got out to stand next to this:
I should have died that night, I do not doubt that.
Most have said how scary it must have been or how quickly it must have happened but it wasn't and it didn't. Once I realised what was happening, let go, and called out to God things slowed down around me. It is not something I would be able to justly describe in words but His presence was upon me. I had no fear of death nor worry of what would happen. As I stood there and looked at what I had just walked out of I knew that there was more.
I understand if you are sceptical. Honestly if you are not spiritual I would be concerned if you were not sceptical. But regardless of whether you believe or not this experience has altered my paradigm. It has kept me up at night and had me pulling at my hair. There is a greater plan for my life that I cannot deny. It both excites and frightens me. I am not even sure how to proceed with my life. Do I act like nothing changed and everything is normal or do I pursue a different, radical life? It is scary stuff. I believed that The Lord has plans for my life but this is next level stuff, undeniable providence.
But regardless, I have been put on this beautiful, terrifying world for a purpose and I will do everything possible to live my life to its fullest.
